Successful Relationships

Last week, my wife and I celebrated our 10th year wedding anniversary. It feels like just yesterday that we stood in front an altar and pledged commitment and vows.

I admit that I believed in the one sided illusion that marriage would mean sweet happiness, joy, bliss and continuous elation. Alas! We learn through experience that it’s needful to have a bit of both…keeps us sane and balanced.

Successful relationships: husband-wife, parent-child, manager-employee, friends, brother-sister and all inter-personal relationships are based on fundamental principles that when honoured produce desired results.

What matters most? Here are my views on the three most important ingredients for successful relationships:

1. Love

That feeling of compassion and tenderness, of intending no harm but protection, nurturing and giving is essential to form as a cornerstone. Love is spoken of in every religious and wisdom literature as the supreme principle and purpose to our being.

Love is more than emotion. Love is a verb, it’s a doing word. Our actions, especially the little ones, matter. Further, love can be viewed as a commitment that stands in spite of conditions: unconditional love. How many of us are approving of others when they comply with our standards, and disapproving when they don’t. Genuine love for another means we accept them exactly as they are; live and love in the present and allow this to be the catalyst for the change we seek in another.

In practice this means: Stop trying to change others. Love them exactly as they are. Beware when we love conditionally. Don’t let our self-righteous behaviour deceive our inability to love fully sometimes.

2. Trust

Trust is achieved when those involved in a relationship are trustworthy i.e. worthy of trust. Whilst we may and could love, we may not trust.

If relationships are like an arch formation composed of many stones, the most important would be the keystone. It is the centre piece on top which keeps the feature together. Trust can be likened to the keystone. Take out the keystone, and the entire arch crumbles.

Trust is earned. Trust is the greatest form of motivation. Every effort to improve ourselves is an effort at developing a high level trust in an inter-personal relationship.

3. Shared Values

Each of us has values that we choose to live our lives by. People have different values. Winning relationships require parties to understand and respect the values of each other. The values of another should be as important to us as it is to them. How else are we to understand and satisfy their needs and wants? (Only in sales training are we taught to understand (qualify) the values and needs of our customers and find customised solutions to satisfy the need.)

Research tells us that relationships based on sound values are stable and enduring. Shared values triumph in the long run over physical appearance, status, money and other immediate and gratifying needs.

May we consider the relationships we have with another. Maybe it is a true principle: ‘My relationship with another with you has got nothing to do with you. Your relationship with me has got nothing to do with me.’

Everything points back to us.

About the Author: Anil Rajpaul Salick is a man of truth, wisdom and love. Since 17 years old, he has consciously chosen a path of service, helping and influencing. Finding expression in purpose, he has been professionally involved in research, development, training, profiling and business development since 1996. In 2003 he founded Synergistic Outcomes a positively, growing and firmly entrenched South African company specialising in Training, Development, Assessments, Profiling and Coaching Solutions for organisations, teams and individuals. Anil believes in respect and seeking to understand others; that the only effective way to bring about change in others is by changing ourselves. As Gandhi said, ‘We must be the change we wish to see in the world.’ Anil does not subscribe to the bipolar ‘positive mental attitude’ philosophy of some modern advocates; but rather that we should live balanced lives in a state of love and gratitude for all our experiences. He believes that the framework for any transformation happens begins with an understanding of our values, mission and vision - from conceptual and meaning (spiritual, philosophical or ephemeral) to actions that allow us to be focused and disciplined. During 1994 and 1995 Anil served a voluntary mission for his church in the Cape Province and Namibia. It was during that time his interaction, care and love for people developed, and he discovered his life purpose: influencing people to examine and shift their current thinking pattern to those of ethical, non harmful and principled based laws; assisting them to understand that those elements could form the basis of a meaningful or successful life, leading to meaningful purpose. The real opportunity to get into this business happened something like this: After returning home to Durban, while he was reporting to a group of leaders on his two-year mission experience, Mark Cunningham - who, in addition to being one of those leaders, was also a business guru, professional speaker and teacher - spotted Anil’s talent. Mark took it upon himself to guide and assist Anil, who was 22 years old at that time, to develop his innate business acumen. Anil has worked bravely for commission only in this risky and rewarding business. Since that time Anil has persisted in his personal growth and his influence has expanded to become the force it is today. Synergistic Outcomes is committed to helping their clients in attracting, developing, managing and growing talents that produce ‘the right people’ for ‘the right job’. Today their training is offered and recognised throughout South Africa some neighbouring African countries, which include: Zambia, Swaziland, Namibia, Malawi and Nigeria. The training courses offered by Synergistic Outcomes are registered with the Services Seta and are targeted at various levels of an organisation. They strive to always keep abreast and comply with SETA and SAQA requirements. You may wish to visit the company website at www.synout.co.za to broaden your understanding of the training courses offered by this dynamic company. Anil has a number of hobbies, which include: reading, writing, spirituality, personal growth, fishing, exercise and fitness, yoga, helping others and making a difference. Anil’s family is closest to his heart. He and Nounouche, his much loved wife, have two daughters and a son. They live in the city of Durban, in Kwa Zulu/Natal Province, South Africa.

Relationships are important to our mental, physical, and emotionalwell-being. In order for a relationship to be considered "successful"it must stand on a solid foundation. This foundation will allow it tosurvive even the most complicated of all situations that may arise. Inthis relationship guide, I will share with you some of the secretsbehind successful relationships. If you want to ensure that you andyour partner are able to sustain the relationship that you are intogether, these unique ingredients will result in a successful formula.

One of the first things that you can do when it comes to keeping arelationship fresh and successful is to be certain that you are open tothe feelings and opinions of your partner. In turn, your partner shouldalso be receptive to you. Sharing our feelings, as well as the thingsthat we hold value in is very important. When there is no one elsethere to share these intimate instances with, your partner should be.Being able to communicate effectively is the main ingredient to eachand every single successful relationship. If this area of the bond thatyou share is affected, you will quickly experience other areas in therelationship that are rough.

It is important to understand that every relationship will experience acrossroads in which there is a difference in feelings, expectations,and opinions. It is not a difference that makes a relationship rocky,it is the inability to recognize and appreciate these differences. Thesecret to overcoming this is to find a mutual agreement between theboth of you. If you are able to do this, you will quickly find thatthings run smoothly, with little cause for concern. Compromise is anessential when it comes to the secrets behind successful relationships.Knowing and implementing compromise in your relationship can go a longway!

The next ingredient that helps formulate a successful relationship isbeing able to listen appropriately to your partner. Not only willlistening truly allow you to hear what is being said when it comes toyour relationship, but it will also allow your partner to becomfortable when it comes to expressing themselves. When your partnerspeaks, it is important that you allow them to do so. Interrupting themand causing them to become defensive about their unique stand on thingscan cause a lot of problems. Just instill some basic consideration whenit comes to the lines of communication in the relationship, and youwill quickly emerge successful and happy.

Remaining positive in the relationship can mean the difference betweensuccess and failure. You should always strive to see things in apositive light - including your partner. No one likes a pessimist, or"realist" and many pessimists enjoy calling themselves. Those that arepositive and take a unique stand on even the most challengingcircumstances are generally easy to approach, talk to, and reside with.If you find that things are getting a bit "rocky" in yourrelationships, you should change to this frame of mind. You willquickly emerge happier, healthier, and your relationship will trulyblossom!

By following the simple steps listed here, you will soon begin todiscover that you have a successful relationship that you can becontent with. Success is often viewed as being in the "eye of thebeholder", and that is not the way it should be when it comes torelationships. Success should be in the life of the doer. If you are adoer, and want to make things succeed, then they will!

About the Author:

Kevin Sinclair is the publisher and editor of My-Personal-Growth.com, a site that provides information and articles for self improvement and personal growth and development.