Successful Relationships

How to make a relationship last has been a quest for countless generations of people for primarily the same reason that so many have also sought a safe pill to lose weight: the real resolution to both involves a great deal of work. (On the plus side, someday science WILL come up with a safe pill that chases away calories, but still shall we be toiling, scratching our heads and wondering how to make a relationship last!)

There are few challenges in life harder to face than doing something you don’t want to do…namely, compromise. And it is of elemental importance in the welfare of a relationship. Where there is no selfless behavior, love cannot survive. Caring about another means caring about the other’s happiness, putting it before one’s own. Of course, it is idealistic and unrealistic to presume that one does not also have needs to be met that can conflict with always putting the other first. And a relationship requires balance to succeed, so “letting the other person win” all the time will no sooner bring happiness than demanding one’s way all the time!

The most effective approach to minimizing the compromises necessary to sustain a relationship is in selecting an appropriate mate. Strong compatibility means a higher likelihood that both parties will be in agreement when situations arise and decisions must be made. Find out his/her opinion on the major questions: where does he/she stand on having kids? How many? When? Where? Where do YOU stand on these issues? Is either party flexible? If you have strongly differing and unwavering opinions, you are headed for a major hurdle and one party is definitely not going to get his/her way on the matter. This can cause lasting rifts…but can be avoided with a conscientious initial selection process. It is time-consuming and many people are unwilling to be alone for long stretches of time during the search, but shopping for a mate is one of the most important decisions a person will ever have to make and even this part of the process will result in sacrifices.

When in a relationship, much of the difficulty of compromise lies not in the actual acts of selflessness, but in determining WHEN sacrifice is merited. When do you “give in”? When should your mate cave and let you have your way? Each time conflict is encountered and no 50/50 compromise can be reached, both parties need to analyze how important to them the issue at hand actually is, and how important they feel it is to their mate. Could you easily concede this one? Don’t think of a relationship as a series of battles that you must win, but rather, look toward the end goals of love, happiness, togetherness, and look at the battles as hurdles that you both must overcome en route to the goal. A relationship is an entity that needs to be fed to survive, and with enough care and consideration, it can grow and sustain for a lifetime.